Time

I am running out of time.  I should have realized this long ago, but it somehow drifted out of my mind.  I started doing things I did not care about, I started to put things off thinking tomorrow will come, I started to compromise my views to give people more of my time.  I was taking time for granted because I assumed that I would always have as much of it as I wanted in life.  However, after thinking about this more, I see that I have very little time left on this earth.  I can literally die today, and the world would not stop, the end of me is not the end of everyone on this earth.  Letting myself be arrogant about having infinite amount of time let me invite fear into my life.  It let me fear all the little things, it let me find easy cop outs about why not to do the hard things in life.  Fear made me weak in my mind, body, and spirit.  I was concerned about what others thought about me, I was scared of the unknown, and I felt I needed to take the safe route.  My time is coming to an end, and I do not know when, and that does scare me because I have not done everything I wanted in my life due to fear.  I know it all starts with me, and I am done being scared of the unknown.  I am welcoming it into my life because I know if I don’t then I will be leading an unfilled life.  I do not care if people see this as reckless, or want to be negative towards me about it because in the end it really does not matter.  Putting this public is the first step of getting over my fear, and it is a fresh start for me.  As Marcus Aurelius said, “You could leave this life right now.  Let that determine what you do and say and think.”

Unfiltered

The world does not challenge us enough any more, that is what makes us soft.  We have everything we need.  There is never a time when food is not available, water is readily at our disposal, and more people have shelter than at any time in life.  We are very  comfortable in our lives, at least I am in my life.  I literally do not have to worry about anything at this point in my life, and that scares the shit out of me.  I was sitting at home and looked around at everything I have and I could not think of anything else I needed in my life.  I was too comfortable, I need to get out of my comfort zone.  I need that feeling of defeat, hurt, and struggle in my life because it makes me appreciate what I have and what I can lose at any moment.  I decided to set challenges for myself.  One was to write more because I am terrible at it, but at the same time I love it and I want to get better at it.  Second was to kick my coffee habit.  I love coffee, and I love stimulants, but I know too much is not good.  Third was to give myself a stretch of eating only potatoes.  I want to do this to see what it feels like to have limited options, and if one day I had limited options what would that feel like for me.  

 

It amazes me and other people that we have to do these types of things to feel challenged in life. Not long ago people went to work in fields, factories, and worked on boats.  These jobs were challenging enough to where, when people came home they knew they earned that meal.  Getting uncomfortable in my life is something that I have to do to appreciate what I have in life.  All of what I have can be gone in a blink of an eye.